Getting to the point.

At the moment I think it would be fair to say that my conversational skills leave alot to be desired. I still have a commanding vocabulary at work and at home but for some inexplicable reason, the power of speech takes a metaphorical nose-dive when out in company. Its not that I'm usually lost for words or disinterested in people around me its just I tend to clam up with people I really want to talk to. Some of this I think is partly nerves which I have always suffered with and another bit is fear of rejection, people regarding me as a little too intense and boring. I do find small talk extremely tiring though, particularly with groups of people I don't know, to crudely put it, i might as well be farting in the wind for the pleasure it gives me.

I'm getting to the stage now that I am hankering for a deep and meaningful conversation with people I like and trust. I think trust is an important element here because when one has this type of interaction, you really want to feel you can let your guard down and express yourself freely and that people would feel at ease enough with me to do the same. I think part of my problem why I still suffer from nerves and occasional bouts of depression today is I have so much stuff inside me that I would like to share but lack the confidence to disband some of it. I think this leads to frustration which in turn eats away at oneself, physically, mentally and spiritually. I know this is really bad for mental health. I come from a line of family who have had nervous breakdowns, I think I'm too high-spirited to have one of these but I really think I now need to sum up the courage and to start talking to people and to start letting go.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I really should have been horrified today when I discovered that my Brother-in Law had posted a video of me singing karaoke on face book but actually I'm cool about this. As well as being evident that I can't sing and am two stone overweight, its also rather funny.

Its strange isn't it that some people who are naturally very funny, cannot understand why people find them so amusing! They are normally very highly creative people with fragile egos, I'm never sure whether to tell someone they're funny or not, in case they take it the wrong way but I really do mean it as a compliment, its indeed a great asset to have.

If I find someone or something very funny,there is no containing me,I will just erupt with laughter until tears run down my cheeks while my friend/colleague will just stare back looking bewildered. If I am lucky though the person concerned will join in and hopefully, see the funny side of things. It can sometimes be rather 'trying' though when you are doing your best to be serious in a particular situation and a sudden notion of a sense of the ridiculous rears its face and you can feel every ounce of your self control losing its battle to contain itself. The worst place this ever happened to me was when I was serving on a jury, during my twenties. The accused, a foreign chap, kept getting his English metaphors mixed-up, of course, the defence leapt upon this situation, cajoling him and making him worse, in the end he developed a terrible stammer and the case had to be adjourned for a while. At this point, I was killing myself with laughter, another girl similar age was shaking all over, we both couldn't wait to get outside and let rip much to our relief!

People who I think are funny are Laurel and Hardy, Captain Manwaring from Dads Army, Su Pollard, Celia Imrie, Mel from Benidorm, Julie Walters, Dawn French, Basil Brush

Shows - Certain Victoria Wood sketches,Young Dracula, Dads Army, Hi De Hi, Carry On Films, Benidorm. Are you Being Served. just to name a few

Friendship

A couple of weeks ago I came across a video on you tube where the subject of friendship was discussed. The subject struck a few chords with me, the most striking being that both of us had experienced a bereavement relatively recently and were to all sense and purposes trying to make sense of our loss. Losing someone still relatively young and who had an impact on your life does not only come as a big shock but also as a stark reminder that we are not immortal and life as we know it can be extinguished as quickly as it is conceived.



Friendship is very important to me and you get older your friends become your bedrock. As you go through life you are able to distinguish between friendship and acquaintances. Basically real friends are always there for you, you tend to know who they are when a crisis hits you and they are the first people you ring/phone/rap on doors, you trust them implacably. Good friends are extremely hard to come by, in fact, they are like gold-dust so when I encounter a potential friend, i mentally 'hold back' a little waiting for the vibes to signal whether they are just being friendly out of politeness or they genuinely like me. In my experience, its important not to rush friendships but to let them grow and develop at a gentle pace, I think a test of a good friendship is when you can just sit in silence with that other person and not feel uncomfortable.


Best friends and 'Very Good Friends' are rare. They share the same sense of humour as you, they can instantly sense if you are happy or sad and of course they are the great keep of secrets. With Best and Good Friends, you don't have to explain things too much because they already know. My surviving Best Friend (I had Two) lives a million miles from me (well it feels like this at times). We've been through thick and thin. We met when we were 7, both new kids at school with same birthdays. I wished we lived nearer, I don't see her often but I still feel her happiness and pain


I am fortunate that I have male friends as well as female friends. my interests are fairly broad and I find it refreshing to listen to men's views on life and what they've been up to! They can be surprisingly honest and quite profound at times, in some ways they are not that much different from women, its just they don't always understand where we are coming from! Men don't tend to remember birthdays but they have a knack for producing things which they have grown or made when I least expect it and they make me laugh too. There is something rather nice and earthy about my men friends and I always feel nicely chilled when I'm in their company, Generally I tend get on well with female acquaintances in a working environment and having worked in a bank, holiday camp and childcare environments,I am well practised in the art of bitching and gossip. I do know how important female camaraderie can be when there are stats, deadlines, anxious managers and dramas unfolding around one. Interestingly enough, two friendships which have survived previous careers have both been from childcare backgrounds, our connection,love of children and a sense of the ridiculous.


Finally I just want to elaborate a little on Facebook. To be honest I'm not a great fan of Facebook. The main reason I signed up to it was to stay in touch with friends who had moved away and 'chat' with family/close friends. I am quite a private person so I am very careful in what I broadcast. Currently I have 38 friends, probably half of them are friends/relatives the other half acquaintances. My social life has broaden a little since joining as many local events get publicised through this media. Groups can be good too particularly if the administrator is passionate about his/her interests and update regularly. The downside is the amount of tedious twaddle that comes through on mainstream, I now tend to click directly onto friends' pages to see what they are up to rather than negotiate the former as its less stressful. I guess I can understand why people think FB can be narcissistic as times but everyone needs to blow their own trumpet and if you don't like the music, don't listen.

Naughty Milkmaid

Naughty Milkmaid

Maybe it’s the cider talking, Master
Or it could be the full moon
But when I’m in your presence
All I want to do is swoon

Could it be your jet black hair
Good looks and roguish smile?
Or maybe its the cider talking
Hic! that’s not my style

For when I with you my Darling
Or rather when I am with thee
Whilst I should act the shy maiden
There’s a rather large piece of me

Who really, really shouldn’t
But the alcohol has got a hold of me
Would dearly love to take you to a haystack
And make lots of Whoop Whoopee!

Condolences to a Friend

Sometimes an event happens

Which can be so very unexpected

And terribly sad

And seems so unreal

That you cannot comprehend the impact

It will have on you

And those around you.

And so each day

You try and carry on as normal

But there is something eating away at you

You know something is not right

The dull ache, the empty drawers and wardrobes

The mournful dog

Are a reminder

That someone is missing from your life

You want to reach out

And tell people how you feel

But its hard to speak

When there is a lump in your throat

And the tears are not far away

And you are in desperate need of a hug

And there is so much to do.

And so gradually

You adjust

The numbness, the anger, the sadness, the tiredness

Will pass

But will never completely disappear

Because love is a strong emotion

And to have experienced it in its intensity

In life and Death

Means that you have lived.

During the past 4 weeks, my intellect and patience has been surely tested, I have been subject to a bombardment of figure work and information vital to my new position as Assistant Manager of a charity shop. So far, fingers crossed, the knowledge has penetrated through and is laying in wait somewhere in the deep recess of my brain until its retrieval is required.

The Human brain is a magnificent and sophisticated piece of equipment and I am constantly impressed by its canny ability to fight off the grey cells or pointless trivia which attempts at times to infiltrate it. Occasionally, a short circuit will occur and I will be stuck for words or an answer to a question but luckily the witty cavity of this wonderful organ will come into play and has saved me many times from a 'faux pas' .

The tiredness which threatens to engulf me frequently (particularly this week) is temporarily dispelled at intervals by frequent intake of caffeine and chocolate, this and sheer gritty determination all help to fuel the fire burning away inside me. I now wish to lead instead of being led. I will not suffer fools lightly!

It is far, far better to embrace life than to sit and allow melancholy and apathy to wash all over oneself. Even better if one has a soulmate to help one on their way.