Moving on

I think there comes a point in life where as hard as you try to fit in and make a situation work, you just know in your heart of hearts that its never going to happen regardless of how hard you try, so it was with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to my drumming group last week. I am disappointed that it didn't work out for me, I loved the drumming side but found it really hard to form any meaningful friendships.

I initially joined after the sudden death of my best friend 2 years ago, i just felt, I needed to live a little. Its strange but although I enjoyed the dressing up and playing to audiences, I rarely felt relaxed with this merry band of drummers to the extent I never was able to let my hair down and get drunk! Upon reflection, I think maybe I was looking for something on a deeper level and maybe it was this that may have made people wary of me, I don't know but however hard I tried I just couldn't really change the situation. The turning point came when a friend told me that I could be experiencing negative karma, seeing as I couldn't really place a finger on what was really wrong. When I thought about it I did think she may have a point, the town I grew up in  has become very drab and hostile in certain places, the childhood memories, although happy are also tinged with  melancholy, losing my parents months apart during my twenties. Instead of feeling elated whilst marching down the holidaymaker ridden streets of the Old Town, I'm just sad my music loving father isn't there to cheer me on. I am certainly much happier working and living in the town next door. The residents are kind and polite and although populated largely by retired people and at times seems a little dull, it has that genteel quality about it where people have time for each other. Its strange but I do feel a completely different person when I'm there and I know in my heart there is good karma. So now I have to try again. I have now embarked on a new venture with a small group of people in the town I love. A part of me would eventually like to try and help form another drumming group here, a much smaller one where we can share mutual interest and work together in harmony and very importantly, have fun.